Days Like Today...

It's days like today that make "moving forward" extremely difficult.

Nothing really happened -- just a mindset that digs in some days. One of those days that it seems everyone else in this world has some kind of joy that they feel they must rub in my face.

Oh, I know they don't actually rub it in my face. . . it just feels like that on my hard days. I know that those people feel their joy as fully as I once felt mine. And I know that I will again have a great joy in my life and I will spread it around -- and somebody out there will feel like I am the one salting their wounds.
It just seems like there's kids and babies and pregnant people everywhere...

I wish my emotions had a power switch.

I hate being like that. I read way too much into the smallest comments and conversations. But there are days when my heart is breaking all over again and my mind is on overload. I can't block the anger or the envy and I can't seem to build a dam strong enough to hold back the tears... Sometimes I just hate everybody.

I will one day be the envy of another person who is down and out... but I pray today that when that happens I keep in mind my days like today. I pray that I am kind and compassionate when I sow my joy; I want to eventually reap the benefit of feeling that person's joy when they are pulled from their own pit.

But for now, I shall lean against the wall of  my deep well of pain. I await the day God's grace drops the rope down my hole - the day my joy is restored.

Please, everyone -- post your pictures, make your comments, spread your joy...

And I shall await that joyful day that I am in your shoes.